FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

by yuck / 11/15/2011 at 9:38am / United Kingdom (Bolton) / Animals

Today, my young son wanted to rent some movie with talking animals in it for us to watch together. I couldn't say no, but talking animal movies freak me out big time, I either start to cry or feel nauseous. Especially ones with dogs. What is wrong with me? FML

by Pk45 / 11/11/2011 at 10:37am / United Kingdom (Swansea) / Animals

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

by Sack / 11/10/2011 at 6:16am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

by LukeyBoy / 11/09/2011 at 5:57am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

by possiblyoverweight / 11/08/2011 at 9:01am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Kids

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

by lunarstrain / 11/08/2011 at 1:11am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2011 at 4:05pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

by shamed / 11/05/2011 at 11:59am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

by rj93 / 11/05/2011 at 9:43am / United Kingdom (Ballymena) / Health

Today, it was my first time taking blood on the ward. The doctor saw that I was nervous and gave me a violent old man with schizophrenia who thought I was there to kill him. FML

by sakura_girl / 11/04/2011 at 7:59am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML

by ...loud noises...urgh... / 11/02/2011 at 12:39pm / United Kingdom (York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They locked me out for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML

by miley098 / 11/02/2011 at 12:37pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I turned in an overdue English assignment at college. My instructor accused me of plagiarism, writing that my sentence structure was "TO" good. Seriously? FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2011 at 6:09am / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Miscellaneous