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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was mugged by three guys. I fought back, and knocked one down. This made them angry, so they stole my clothes as well. FML

Today, my mum yelled at me for wanting to apply to university courses that she doesn't approve of. I'm applying for Biomedical Sciences and Microbiology, she's an unemployed Jehovah's Witness. FML

#17634820
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38056) - you deserved it (2843)

On 09/01/2011 at 10:40am - work - by WhatTheFaf (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

#17633677
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28965) - you deserved it (4587)

On 09/01/2011 at 3:07am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

#17628880
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30137) - you deserved it (10859)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I managed to get locked inside a caravan toilet. My relatives heard me having a panic attack and instead of unlocking the door, they called the neighbours over to enjoy my anguish and embarrassment. FML

#17627414
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25059) - you deserved it (2861)

On 08/31/2011 at 2:34am - misc - by RhuLynette - United Kingdom

Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML

#17620390
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23438) - you deserved it (3809)

On 08/30/2011 at 10:53am - misc - by gofixmyhead (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

#17610443
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41106) - you deserved it (3708)

On 08/29/2011 at 4:33am - health - by SoupCanoe - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

#17606704
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34450) - you deserved it (9502)

On 08/28/2011 at 5:25pm - kids - by cjay2200 - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML

#17594828
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8049) - you deserved it (64930)

On 08/27/2011 at 12:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML

#17584305
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26449) - you deserved it (3976)

On 08/26/2011 at 6:41am - love - by the girlfriend (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML

#17563055
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31278) - you deserved it (5595)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:44pm - love - by Embarassed (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to switch my glass of coke with a glass of pure vinegar. FML

#17557483
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30355) - you deserved it (9376)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:15pm - misc - by Skidaddle123 - United Kingdom (North Lincolnshire)

Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML

#17549982
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30283) - you deserved it (4191)

On 08/22/2011 at 6:10pm - misc - by WTFwhywouldyoudothat - United Kingdom (Rotherham)



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