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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

#21470740
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27418) - you deserved it (2282)

On 09/20/2015 at 7:59pm - intimacy - by M - United Kingdom (North Somerset)

Today, I found out the real cause of what I assumed was a healthy increase in my teenage daughter's appetite lately. Some fine young gentlemen with a fat fetish convinced her start gaining weight so they could jack off to her. FML

#21469886
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26125) - you deserved it (1883)

On 09/18/2015 at 1:03pm - kids - by bluep313 - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML

#21469191
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25699) - you deserved it (1746)

On 09/16/2015 at 2:26pm - animals - by Urinator - United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross)

Today, I filled up my company car with my own debit card, instead of my fuel card. It was the last £40 I had for the month. FML

#21468974
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20551) - you deserved it (6549)

On 09/15/2015 at 10:02pm - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, while eating at my college cafeteria, I started thinking about all the awful crap going on in my life right now, and I started sobbing. Some guy at another table started snickering at me, at which point the guy I like said, "Give her a break. If I was as fuck-ugly as her, I'd be crying too." FML

#21467918
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27800) - you deserved it (2483)

On 09/13/2015 at 9:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, my rarely-romantic boyfriend finally said "I love you". Too bad he was drunk, and was talking to my vagina. FML

#21467902
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25842) - you deserved it (3115)

On 09/13/2015 at 7:52am - intimacy - by Queen LaQueefah (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

#21467707
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26561) - you deserved it (1758)

On 09/12/2015 at 5:34pm - kids - by auraya1985 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML

#21467692
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22503) - you deserved it (3454)

On 09/12/2015 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML

#21467618
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22149) - you deserved it (1744)

On 09/12/2015 at 12:16pm - health - by RightInTheFace (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML

#21467409
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23005) - you deserved it (1712)

On 09/11/2015 at 7:50pm - misc - by Banana_Lord (woman) - United Kingdom (Angus)

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

#21466376
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22171) - you deserved it (4846)

On 09/09/2015 at 1:09am - health - by davetherave1983 (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my ex-fiancée's new boyfriend phoned me to ask what her ring size is. FML

#21465162
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26250) - you deserved it (1681)

On 09/06/2015 at 8:50am - love - by Anon - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

#21464787
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23910) - you deserved it (1649)

On 09/05/2015 at 4:39am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom



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