FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my daughter taught me the literal meaning of "When the shit hits the fan." FML

by WhosGoingToCleanThisUp / 02/26/2016 at 2:52pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I got accused of ruining my girlfriend's birthday, all because I accidentally got her the same birthday present as her mother did. FML

by Harry641 / 02/23/2016 at 5:53pm / United Kingdom (Hounslow) / Love

Today, I'm a car salesman. I got told to cold call a list of previous customers, but I recognised the names as I phoned them all last week; I told the manager this. He slammed his fist on my desk and told me to stop lying and do as I was told. I got told to "fuck off" 27 times. FML

by Arcam89 / 02/22/2016 at 5:37pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Work

Today, my brother accused me of faking my bipolar disorder for attention, all because I don't act the same as the bipolar girl in some TV show he watches. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2016 at 5:55am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health

Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML

by Anonymous / 02/20/2016 at 7:53am / United Kingdom (Merton) / Love

Today, two aggressive police officers appeared at my door informing me that a complaint was filed about my 18 year-old son having "inappropriate relations" with a 16 year-old. We live in England. I had to Google the law to prove to them this was legal. FML

by Confuseddad / 02/16/2016 at 5:17pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2016 at 8:57pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of) / Health

Today, while driving on the motorway, I sneezed so hard my contacts popped out. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2016 at 4:25am / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

by neveragain / 02/12/2016 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health

Today, I had to give up going to a therapist because it was too expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, a girl in my class is getting a therapist for her dog. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2016 at 6:21pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, I learnt what my boss meant when he said he would 'get his revenge on me' for winning a bet. I have to clean all the rooms that currently have a couple staying in it on February 15th. I don't want to work in a hotel anymore. FML

by Hello condoms and lube / 02/09/2016 at 4:53pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Work

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

by hannieannie / 02/09/2016 at 4:51pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy

Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up battery powered alarm to go off. Nobody in the house even knew our alarm worked, let alone how to make it stop. It's been going off for over an hour now. FML

by James / 02/08/2016 at 5:55pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Miscellaneous