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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, an older lady approached me at work and stroked my hair, telling me it was 'beautiful'. This isn't unusual, I'm a natural redhead and octogenarians especially seem to love the colour. However, the unusual part was the glob of snot she left in my hair from her unwashed hands. FML

#21452391
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21573) - you deserved it (1466)

On 08/05/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by gingerwhinger - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I entered a painting I'd worked on for weeks into an art competition. I won nothing. I wouldn't care so much if the guy I lost out to hadn't submitted a blank canvas and called it a "conceptual piece". FML

#21452227
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24879) - you deserved it (1686)

On 08/05/2015 at 12:47pm - misc - by thekyledavid (man) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

#21451813
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24236) - you deserved it (2424)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:19pm - animals - by whydoihavecats - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

#21450122
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24450) - you deserved it (2034)

On 07/31/2015 at 5:04pm - love - by single and unbuggered (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

#21448484
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24928) - you deserved it (3524)

On 07/28/2015 at 8:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, I decided to start jogging to keep fit. I was passed about ten times by the same car, carrying four bozos whose vocabulary consisted only of, "TITTIES!" and copious amounts of giggling. FML

Today, I was making some scrambled eggs. I had the eggs in a pan, stirring for about ten minutes, before I realised that the eggs were cooking very slow. I tried to figure out what was wrong for another few minutes before my grandma pointed out to me that the oven wasn't turned on. FML

#21447619
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10758) - you deserved it (18956)

On 07/26/2015 at 5:04pm - misc - by sarah4241 - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced." and took a rain check on me. FML

#21447515
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23491) - you deserved it (2660)

On 07/26/2015 at 1:29pm - misc - by arch maester shavayalsharashion (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML

#21444635
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22303) - you deserved it (4126)

On 07/20/2015 at 6:17pm - work - by failingyetagain - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

#21443864
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26216) - you deserved it (2937)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML

#21442690
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32559) - you deserved it (4583)

On 07/16/2015 at 6:21pm - kids - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after having to spend over an hour yesterday giving the man I'm in love with advice on how to impress his date yesterday evening, I got to spend another hour listening to how great their sex was last night. FML

#21442664
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25196) - you deserved it (6801)

On 07/16/2015 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by jealousgirl - United Kingdom

Today, the waste disposal truck managed to tip over a portapotty on our work site, causing the contents to overflow and run down the bank towards my portakabin office, where someone had left the door open. All my money, ID and my car keys are now shut off to me by a river of shit. FML

#21441443
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24854) - you deserved it (1770)

On 07/14/2015 at 8:00am - work - by mississpissi (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)



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