FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday and I'd invited quite a lot of my friends to come round and have some fun. When I got home, I saw a few cars outside. It turned out to be for the neighbours. I waited and waited; none of my friends showed up. FML

by Callum536 / 08/22/2016 at 5:51am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to ask my sister if she'd shit her pants because the smell of poop was following us around Paris. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I had to ask an eighteen-year-old, or that she said yes and didn't do anything. FML

by smellsfunnyinfrance / 08/21/2016 at 12:43pm / United Kingdom / Holidays

Today, in an effort to try and get fit, I was doing yoga on my carpet when my foot slipped. It went under my radiator, which peeled the skin off my heel like peeling a potato. FML

by AlexB / 08/19/2016 at 3:01am / United Kingdom (Blackpool) / Health

Today, my boyfriend crashed our car into the car ahead. He was trying to pull away from the traffic lights faster than the person next to us, a ten-year-old kid on a bicycle. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2016 at 1:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was spending the night at my fiancé's house. He knew my period was about to start, so he asked if he needed to put a tarp down on the bed. He was dead serious. FML

by hannax / 08/16/2016 at 1:26pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Health

Today, I started my first day at work. When I used the bathroom, I thought I was peeing into the bowl but it was actually leaking out. My pants kindly cleaned up the mess. FML

by PeedMaPants / 08/15/2016 at 8:04pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Work

Today, after changing and dressing my 6-month-old into his super cute brand new outfit, I saw the telltale sign of him about to vomit. Without thinking, I cup my hand under his mouth and catch it all. I had to sit there with a hand full of puke and nowhere to dump it. FML

by Felinefine / 08/15/2016 at 3:33pm / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Kids

Today, I went to the chiropractor for a check up. She was going through some of the ways to help my posture and mentioned something that I've never heard before. My fat ass thought it was a type of food. Turns out it was a sports routine. FML

by Epithymia / 08/15/2016 at 11:09am / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Health

Today, I went to a store to buy some noodles, but hey were out so I left empty handed. When I left, the store the alarm went off so I was called back in, and they searched my bag. They didn't find any stolen goods. They did find a dead mouse my cat must have left for me, though. FML

by NotAThief / 08/14/2016 at 6:03pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, the price I paid to go on a kayaking trip in the sea was nothing compared to the price that my foot paid when it inadvertently stepped on a sea urchin halfway into the water. FML

by royallymessedup / 08/14/2016 at 9:13am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Holidays

Today, I woke to the sound of my baby crying at 4 a.m. I also heard my partner snoring, knowing he was not beside me and the baby was not in her crib, I went into the nursery. There was my crying baby laying across my snoring partner's chest. Guess he fell asleep during feeding time. FML

Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML

by NotAGoodDay / 08/10/2016 at 2:57pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Health

Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML

by iloveretail / 08/08/2016 at 3:14pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Work