FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I got all excited because I thought my crush was flirting with me, when in actuality she was taking advantage of me liking her so she and her friends could make fun of my speech impediment. FML

by SY5623 / 08/11/2015 at 8:00pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML

by NotJobbing / 08/11/2015 at 7:05pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, I told my boyfriend I was scared to open up to him because I had lost people in the past by doing so. After an hour of him trying to convince me to share my thoughts with him, I finally agreed to tell him some things that were worrying me. He broke up with me a minute later. FML

by Lady_Gunslinger9 / 08/11/2015 at 5:38pm / United Kingdom (Durham) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm lying awake at 2 in the morning listening to the police helicopter circle my house yet again. I recently moved near quiet woodland to escape the traffic noise that disturbed my sleep. Quiet woodland where apparently the local criminals play midnight hide-and-seek with the police. FML

by melons / 08/10/2015 at 9:28pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML

by monster1109 / 08/10/2015 at 11:51am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother let me fly his two day old, expensive drone. Within a minute I had crashed it into a potato field. Four hours of searching and we still haven't found it. FML

by oh great / 08/09/2015 at 11:23am / United Kingdom (Doncaster) / Money

Today, I realised that my closeted gay friend has dated more women this year than I have in my 28 years of life. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 8:03pm / United Kingdom (North Somerset) / Love

Today, my sister offered me a couple doughnuts she bought recently. Thinking she was just being nice, I went ahead and started eating, and was met with the most horrid taste I've ever experienced. Turns out her "recently" was two weeks ago. FML

by Anonymous / 08/07/2015 at 5:18pm / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Miscellaneous

Today, an older lady approached me at work and stroked my hair, telling me it was 'beautiful'. This isn't unusual, I'm a natural redhead and octogenarians especially seem to love the colour. However, the unusual part was the glob of snot she left in my hair from her unwashed hands. FML

by gingerwhinger / 08/05/2015 at 7:24pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I entered a painting I'd worked on for weeks into an art competition. I won nothing. I wouldn't care so much if the guy I lost out to hadn't submitted a blank canvas and called it a "conceptual piece". FML

by thekyledavid / 08/05/2015 at 12:47pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

by whydoihavecats / 08/04/2015 at 3:19pm / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

by single and unbuggered / 07/31/2015 at 5:04pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Love

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

by Anonymous / 07/28/2015 at 8:22am / United Kingdom (Slough) / Miscellaneous