FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was pushing so hard to take a number two that I ended up passing out. FML

by Till We Pass Out / 10/03/2015 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Calderdale) / Health

Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2015 at 6:57am / United Kingdom (Blackpool) / Health

Today, after 4 days of avoiding me and screening his calls, my 24-year-old boyfriend sent his mother to break up with me on his behalf. FML

by coward / 10/03/2015 at 6:13am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

by sad-boing / 10/02/2015 at 5:01pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, I found a baby squirrel on the pavement and thought I'd try and rescue it. While I googled what to do, it started running around. I tried to grab it, but it ran straight into the path of a car. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2015 at 12:48pm / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Animals

Today, a guy threatened to sue me for fraud because I informed him that he had to start paying back his student loans. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2015 at 8:25am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, after months of running up four flights of stairs to what I thought was the only male restroom in the building, I found another one. It's always been just around the corner from my desk. FML

by fleckney26 / 10/01/2015 at 10:43am / United Kingdom / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw my ex boyfriend walking down the street in my direction. I've put on a bunch of weight since we broke up, so I turned to look in the nearest shop window, hoping he wouldn't notice. Unfortunately he did see me, looking straight at a KFC. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2015 at 8:16am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Love

Today, I started my new job. Not even 2 hours in did some old man ask me where I live, what's my number, and if I was interested in being with him and his friends. This guy is at least over 50 and works with me. I left my old job because some old men kept asking the same things. FML

Today, my boyfriend of 8 years moved in with two other women. He's spent the past 2 years telling me he can't afford to move out of his parent's house. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2015 at 11:08am / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Love

Today, I got called a "politically correct loser" by a woman at the supermarket, all because I said I didn't want to find out the gender of my baby until birth. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2015 at 6:18am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to stand up on a train for my 4-hour journey. Why? Two pregnant women flew into unbridled rage with me over sitting in the priority seating, saying I was selfish. I'm recovering from spinal surgery. FML

by hunchbackofnotredamn / 09/29/2015 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Transportation

Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead". FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2015 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Miscellaneous