FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend let me stay over at her house for the first time. I went into her room only to find out she's obsessed with the Joker and has a bunch of posters and toys of him. I am deathly afraid of clowns. FML

by ScaredOfClowns / 12/31/2015 at 11:40am / United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove) / Love

Today, after trying unsuccessfully for three or so years to have a baby with my wife, my broodiness has gotten so bad that when I saw a couple with their daughter at the bus stop, I briefly had a daydream where I shot them in the head and took their daughter home to raise as my own. FML

by DesperateToBeDad / 12/31/2015 at 6:57am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Kids

Today, it has got to the point that I don't even have to ask for my booze in the local off-licence, they just hand me my bottle. FML

by Cian_1 / 12/28/2015 at 1:30pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Health

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

by _schaden_freude / 12/27/2015 at 12:31pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Love

Today, my boyfriend dumped me during what was supposed to be a romantic getaway at a remote log cabin. FML

by pabj208 / 12/22/2015 at 11:53am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, the man I have been in a long-distance relationship with for 2 years told me he has been cheating on me for 6 months, and that he's leaving me for her. I'm due to fly out to see him next week on a non-refundable ticket. He insists that, "we can still hang out, just not have sex". FML

by Sadginger / 12/21/2015 at 6:45pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Intimacy

Today, four days before Christmas, I discovered a rash on my daughter's shoulder. The doctor took one look and said, "It's chicken pox. Merry Christmas." FML

by BadLuck / 12/21/2015 at 6:45am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Kids

Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML

by chamberpottime / 12/16/2015 at 3:58am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Health

Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML

by sorethumb / 12/15/2015 at 6:39pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health

Today, I got a concussion at work. Our resident schizophrenic decided to test how gravity worked by dropping a torch over the bannister directly onto my head. I'm still seeing stars. FML

by msizziec / 12/14/2015 at 6:09pm / United Kingdom (Devon) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

by KamiAzaaaaaa / 12/11/2015 at 11:34am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Money

Today, I've become so accustomed to finding my sister drunk or otherwise passed out in the same spot in the living room that every time I go in there, I instinctively lift my feet higher as though to step over her, even when she's not there. FML

by anonymous / 12/09/2015 at 9:59pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex, for whom I still have feelings, introduced me to his new girlfriend. To make things "less awkward," he invited a mutual friend of ours. However, the last time I'd seen this friend, it was a week after my ex and I had broke up, and we hooked up. Awkward doesn't cover it. FML

by neverleavingthehouseagain / 12/08/2015 at 6:08pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Love