FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend jumping on my bed exclaiming that he had "won the lottery." He broke the bed. Turns out he only won £15.80. FML

by Ecce / 07/10/2010 at 8:03am / United Kingdom (London) / Money

Today, I worked up the courage at lunch to sit next to the girl I've been in love with for 3 years. Everything was going great. That is, until I sneezed and my retainer shot out my mouth, and landed in her lap. FML

by braceface / 07/07/2010 at 9:17am / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Love

Today, I got an email from my cousin to "save the date" for her baby shower. It's on my 21st birthday. This is the same cousin who got engaged on my 18th. FML

by littlestardramaq / 07/05/2010 at 11:48pm / United Kingdom (Greater London) / Miscellaneous

Today, in an attempt to save money on waxing, I bought veet hair removal cream. I also discovered it has the same effect on carpets. Now I have to pay for a replacement. So much for saving money. FML

by charlotte273 / 06/30/2010 at 5:39am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a party. No one there was under 60. I'm 16 and it was the only party I've been to all year. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2010 at 6:07am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had cramp in both my legs at the same time. FML

by kitkat1603 / 06/16/2010 at 7:32am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Intimacy

Today, it's my Nana's birthday and to say she is having a good time is an understatement. She's so drunk, she took out her false teeth tried to put them in her dog's mouth. When she failed, she tried the cat's. FML

by Cat / 06/13/2010 at 10:36am / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Miscellaneous

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

by kingwalrus / 06/12/2010 at 2:55pm / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Kids

Today, I was at the airport baggage collection when I saw an old man struggling to get his very old and heavy suitcase off the belt before giving up. I had already collected my bag, but wanting to be helpful, the old man watched me as I grabbed his handle, yanked and snapped it clean off. FML

by cheekymac / 06/09/2010 at 11:13am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

by Rach / 06/08/2010 at 10:24am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about our past relationships. He told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was smart and he suited someone who was quite stupid. He then went on to say that I was perfect for him. FML

by Mandy / 06/07/2010 at 3:27pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Love

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a gun under his pillow. This was only after my friends and I surprised him with his birthday cake while he was sleeping. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2010 at 8:23am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML

by elevenharries / 06/03/2010 at 4:54am / United Kingdom / Intimacy