FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 11:28am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Money

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

by babydoll / 10/12/2010 at 5:26am / United Kingdom (Fife) / Transportation

Today, I have a busy day of college work ahead of me. I figured I'd best have a good breakfast. Then I realised I'd completely ran out of food except for various types of sauces and condiments. So what am I having for breakfast today? That's right. A nice cup of Gravy. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2010 at 2:24am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML

by Dilly / 10/10/2010 at 4:29pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to use my epilator on my eyebrows. Needless to say I now have the eyebrow equivalent of a comb-over. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 5:05am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be all right, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 3:21am / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, the girl my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with had a job interview at my place of work. If she gets the job, she'll be my manager. FML

by help me! / 10/02/2010 at 10:26am / United Kingdom (London) / Work

Today, when I stopped at a light, I tossed a banana peel into a field along the side of the road. The man behind me got out of his car, picked up the banana peel and threw it back into my car at me. When I tried to tell him it was biodegradable, he told me to "stop making up words." FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2010 at 9:47am / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, I passed out at a party after having a few too many, as one does. I woke up with swastikas and penises drawn on my face with permanent marker. I now have to go home, using public transport, to my prudish, Jewish dad who thought I was at my friend's house for a sleepover with no alcohol. FML

by ragass_mctree / 09/29/2010 at 7:02pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I bought a new Ipod to replace my old one which decided to stop working. After purchasing my new nano Ipod, I decided to bang my old Ipod on the desk very hard because it was useless. It started working again. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2010 at 11:51am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Geek

Today, the guy I like recommended I buy this computer game. Wanting to impress him, I agreed. Turns out it was a joke. I am now the proud owner of Microsoft Train Simulator 2005, and he can't stop laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2010 at 4:14am / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, I got into my car and realised that my CDs were no longer in my glove box. According to the police, the random key code for my car type has been cracked, and thieves can now let themselves in whenever they want. The manufacturer says they can't do anything about it. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 3:04pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy