FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2010 at 8:23am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend whilst on the train home from spending the weekend with him at his Grandparents house. It said 'Gran says to tell you that the bin beside the toilet is actually for storing spare shampoos and tooth brushes, so could you not put your tampons in it next time?' FML

by DyingOfShame / 08/24/2010 at 7:46pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Love

Today, my loving boyfriend told me that he wanted to go to the cinema with the girl he loves. The other girl he loves, but don't worry it's "not" a date. FML

by Squishy / 08/22/2010 at 7:19pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Love

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML

by mollyeyers / 08/22/2010 at 1:02pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Love

Today, I fell down the stairs while reading the 'mind your step' sign. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2010 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I shaved off the beard I had been forced to grow over the past 3 weeks due to forgetting my razor when away. 15 Minutes in, with half my beard gone, I realised I had got a tan everywhere but my beard. I now have a large white patch on my face. FML

by Herbiee / 08/18/2010 at 8:01am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Miscellaneous

Today, whilst I was working in McDonald's, a customer threw their Quarterpounder at me because it had pickles and he said he didn't want any pickles in his burger. I didn't even serve him. I'd just started my shift. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2010 at 6:31am / United Kingdom (London) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that the foundation I've been using for the past month isn't normal foundation, its skin darkening foundation. I look like an oompa loompa from the neck up. It won't go away for another month. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2010 at 12:35pm / United Kingdom (Scottish Borders) / Health

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

by brother love / 08/13/2010 at 1:33am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

by Thepunchline / 08/11/2010 at 5:19am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Health

Today, I had to endure a long drive from Poland to England. We weren't allowed to open our windows. My mum threw up. Twice. FML

by travelsickness / 08/10/2010 at 9:46am / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Health

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

by Mikey832 / 08/09/2010 at 9:24am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML

by Lola / 08/08/2010 at 10:32am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Miscellaneous