FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I got to my weekly drama group a bit late. Everyone looked surprised when I walked in. Casually, I sat down and apologised for being late. I thought everyone looked awkward, probably because it turned out I'd been kicked out of the group. The teacher had decided to announce it before making sure I'd got the email. FML

by a7xforever / 09/14/2010 at 4:31am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

by Joplin / 09/13/2010 at 3:33pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was recovering from an operation. After I felt better, I checked my phone. There were 35 missed calls and angry text messages from my boyfriend asking why I wasn't at his house to cook his dinner. FML

by mrsfantastic / 09/12/2010 at 10:02am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 10:00am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, whilst sat next to a old lady on a flight back to the UK, I exclaimed how I wished somebody would gag the crying baby a few rows behind us. Her reply was, "That's my grandson." FML

by myles bevan / 09/09/2010 at 6:01am / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2010 at 7:24am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Health

Today, on my way to work, the obese old guy in the house opposite mine offered me tips on my yoga technique. Not only were his tips helpful, but I now know I should either close my curtains or put clothes on when I do yoga. FML

by nakedyogagirl / 09/02/2010 at 8:16pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my very expensive and beautiful smelling perfume attracts wasps. Whenever I go out, wherever I am, I am followed by multiple wasps. FML

by unluckiestperson / 08/29/2010 at 11:45am / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML

by yeah / 08/27/2010 at 7:16pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2010 at 8:23am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend whilst on the train home from spending the weekend with him at his Grandparents house. It said 'Gran says to tell you that the bin beside the toilet is actually for storing spare shampoos and tooth brushes, so could you not put your tampons in it next time?' FML

by DyingOfShame / 08/24/2010 at 7:46pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Love

Today, my loving boyfriend told me that he wanted to go to the cinema with the girl he loves. The other girl he loves, but don't worry it's "not" a date. FML

by Squishy / 08/22/2010 at 7:19pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Love

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML

by mollyeyers / 08/22/2010 at 1:02pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Love