FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2010 at 2:25pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2010 at 7:55pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Kids

Today, I was sucking on a Tic Tac. Just as I was starting to get into it, the Tic-Tac suddenly shot down my throat. After a minute of coughing and gagging, it came back up... out my left nostril. FML

by DeepTaccer / 10/30/2010 at 5:28pm / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Health

Today, my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters are all on their periods. I can't even brush my teeth in my own house without being treated like a criminal. FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 8:10pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML

by mrtut / 10/29/2010 at 8:17am / United Kingdom (Merseyside) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend got mugged. I found out because the mugger had the courtesy to ring me, after I texted several times asking where he was, to say "He won't reply. He got robbed." FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 2:12am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Love

Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend. Just as she said "I love you", the credit on my phone runs out. She now thinks that I've purposely hung up on her. She refuses to speak to me until I tell her the real reason I hung up. FML

by lovegotmehung / 10/29/2010 at 12:48am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, my boyfriend decided he hates my male best friend because they have "conflicting interests." My best friend's response? "What's his gamertag so I can shoot him in Halo?" FML

by MissTrix / 10/28/2010 at 8:58pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Geek

Today, I woke up from sleeping at my friends house with a bunch of other people, with my waist long hair cut into chunks on my pillow. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2010 at 7:42am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told that all the data on my laptop is unrecoverable after my hard drive crashed. I have been charged £300 for them to tell me this. Feeling sorry for myself, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and turned on my fan radiator as it's so cold... and promptly set my carpet on fire. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2010 at 9:50am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Miscellaneous

Today, it is my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML

by sambo99 / 10/25/2010 at 1:08pm / United Kingdom (Herefordshire) / Animals

Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML

by peestain / 10/25/2010 at 6:06am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Kids

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

by kimbo / 10/25/2010 at 4:28am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy