FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting really into this one song, I grabbed onto the nearest thing as a makeshift microphone. It happened to be the hot end of my curling iron. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 12:36pm / United Kingdom (Scottish Borders) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2010 at 8:15am / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2010 at 8:28am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Health

Today, I learned that I wasn't really allergic to chocolate. My parents made it up when I was a child because they didn't want me to get fat. FML

by wow / 11/25/2010 at 2:32am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was showing my Mom how to use the Internet on her phone. As there was bad reception, it said "Unexpected Failure." Seeing it, she muttered under her breath, "Just like you, then..." FML

by unexpected_failure / 11/22/2010 at 1:35pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Miscellaneous

Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year old man, or the 6 year old girl I was talking to. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 2:08pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, it was my first day back to work since having my first baby. To show I had caught up on everything, I had to give a presentation at the end of the day to the heads of my department. It went really well until the end, when one of them pointed out that breast-milk had been leaking through my clothes the entire time. FML

by mommy / 11/17/2010 at 7:09am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I had to spend £200 at the dentist for fillings and repairs to my teeth. Why do I need them? Because I'm stressed about money and grind my teeth in the night because of it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 7:05am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Money

Today, I failed my driving test. I've been a legal driver in my home country for 8 years, but can't pass the test here. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 12:56pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Transportation

Today, I was sitting at a traffic light when a cute girl appeared at the side of the road. I sat and watched her until she had crossed, when I realised that I had missed the light. A large queue of cars had built up behind me, yet none of them used their horn because I was driving my police car. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 10:29am / United Kingdom (York) / Transportation

Today, I got on a bus that was so overcrowded I had to stand next to the driver with nothing to hang on to. A drunk man got on and for the rest of the half hour journey continuously fell on me, when I got off he smiled and told me as the doors were closing "the last twelve times was for fun." FML

by nameless / 11/09/2010 at 2:00pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2010 at 2:08am / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Love

Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2010 at 5:09pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Animals