FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

by BigmouthStrikesAgain / 08/18/2011 at 8:18pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2011 at 9:38am / United Kingdom (Bexley) / Animals

Today, I got accepted into University onto a course I don't want to do, but my parents said they would disown me if I didn't go. I believe them: they haven't spoken to my shop assistant sister in about three years now. FML

by Academia / 08/18/2011 at 4:45am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Work

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

by livgasms / 08/18/2011 at 12:02am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

by bursteardrums / 08/16/2011 at 11:00am / United Kingdom (Devon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

by worried / 08/16/2011 at 9:20am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Love

Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML

by 800z / 08/16/2011 at 2:44am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love

Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

by ollie179 / 08/15/2011 at 3:14pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids

Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2011 at 4:21pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Love

Today, I went to a party. I tried dancing in public for the first time ever. Judging by the whispers, stares and giggles, I'm never doing it again. FML

by Travolta / 08/14/2011 at 12:50am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find my house destroyed. I was so devastated, I cried. I had spent days hand-crafting the house to perfection, down to the finest detail. On Minecraft. FML

by ifailsobadly / 08/13/2011 at 4:22pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML

by Ellencrazee / 08/13/2011 at 6:22am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Animals

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

by LuckySperm / 08/12/2011 at 9:14am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Kids