FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2011 at 10:10am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a car. After just ten minutes, my hub caps had been stolen. FML

by GTR / 06/01/2011 at 9:25pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher. FML

by quickfingers100 / 06/01/2011 at 12:05pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I got so stressed about my upcoming final exams that, in the silent section of the library, I had a panic attack and almost passed out. No one helped me. 3 people shushed me. FML

by justletitbeover / 05/28/2011 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

by kernewek / 05/26/2011 at 5:26pm / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Work

Today, I witnessed the miracle of life. More specifically, my cat giving birth on my bed at four in the morning. FML

by KittenTime / 05/26/2011 at 5:03pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals

Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML

by smarterthanmymum / 05/26/2011 at 5:48am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML

by lovingpsychosis / 05/26/2011 at 3:53am / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Love

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

by Brilliant... / 05/25/2011 at 1:44pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

by art_major / 05/25/2011 at 10:06am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Miscellaneous

Today, I refused to let two students into class because they were 15 minutes late. It turns out they were late because they had gone to buy me a birthday cake. FML

by LimeyGoodteeth / 05/24/2011 at 5:34pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I contacted my biological father, after not speaking to him for some years, as we had a very strained relationship. I received an automated response. It's probably the best conversation we have ever had. FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2011 at 2:28pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I went back to the key cutter for the second time because apartment key I gave to my boyfriend didn't work. The man cut me another key and apologised profusely. When I got home and tried the key, it didn't work. I realised I'd asked him to copy the wrong key. Twice. FML

by M / 05/23/2011 at 3:14pm / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Miscellaneous