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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML

#14297288
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31654) - you deserved it (5221)

On 12/22/2010 at 11:28am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (North Yorkshire)

Today, the highlight of my day was someone prank-calling me. FML

#14297205
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21145) - you deserved it (4982)

On 12/22/2010 at 11:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)

Today, I looked deep into my wife's eyes and told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Her reply was "Clean your glasses." FML

#14284829
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28474) - you deserved it (3852)

On 12/21/2010 at 12:25pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

#14284329
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37918) - you deserved it (5305)

On 12/21/2010 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, it was my first day on a £600 a week job. I was fired for being 10 minutes late. FML

#14272532
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10477) - you deserved it (60567)

On 12/20/2010 at 1:08pm - work - by Chloe - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

#14263192
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48972) - you deserved it (3040)

On 12/19/2010 at 7:31pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I discovered that the painful eczema I get every winter was actually being caused by the moisturising cream I use to treat it. FML

#14221798
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25814) - you deserved it (3834)

On 12/16/2010 at 7:06am - health - by spleg (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was listening to music while I wrapped Christmas presents. All was going well when the music was cut off, literally. I snipped the cable to my very expensive headphones in half. FML

#14212477
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11912) - you deserved it (30977)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:22pm - money - by Username - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

#14205128
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23903) - you deserved it (20670)

On 12/14/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, after months of dieting, I finally reached my goal weight. Excitedly I told my boyfriend, who gave me a beautiful dress as an early Christmas present. It was a size too small. FML

#14179989
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26937) - you deserved it (4683)

On 12/12/2010 at 3:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I ran to catch the train, but slipped on the stairs and fell on my shoulder. However, my effort was rendered useless; it wasn't even my train. FML

#14166770
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22832) - you deserved it (5028)

On 12/11/2010 at 2:32pm - misc - by cmzraxsn (man) - United Kingdom (East Lothian)

Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML

#14157064
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13701) - you deserved it (27058)

On 12/10/2010 at 7:12pm - misc - by elliekilroy (woman) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)



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