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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, since I had no lessons until 1pm, I decided to head out to the store to run errands. Our school has a strict policy against leaving the campus during school hours. I returned to a fire drill taking place. The fire assembly point? The student parking lot. All 900 students watched me drive in. FML

#6775023
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7926) - you deserved it (28654)

On 12/16/2009 at 4:37am - misc - by watchmaker (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

#6751631
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21691) - you deserved it (4271)

On 12/14/2009 at 12:06pm - love - by Mojo (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

#6710646
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18260) - you deserved it (7223)

On 12/11/2009 at 4:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

#6708015
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17616) - you deserved it (5625)

On 12/11/2009 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by badbed (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I woke up and my boyfriend was already awake. Feeling in the mood I slipped off my nightdress and looked him in the eye. He looked me up and down, smiled seductively, reached over... and turned his PS3 on. FML

#6707808
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18050) - you deserved it (3358)

On 12/11/2009 at 11:44am - intimacy - by ps3isbetterthanme (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I was preparing for a huge party I've been looking forward to for months. I did all the usual things a girl should do, put on a facemask, painted my nails, exfoliated... I was feeling confident until I peeled off the facemask. I guess when it said "vibrant" what it meant was bright red. FML

#6705319
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18796) - you deserved it (7279)

On 12/11/2009 at 2:50am - health - by ouch (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML

#6694973
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13165) - you deserved it (5209)

On 12/10/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

#6691654
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23697) - you deserved it (4378)

On 12/10/2009 at 6:47am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)

Today, I received a 4 page letter in the post from a woman telling me she was Alan's wife. She spoke about their wedding in 2004, their two beautiful kids who love their daddy very much (she included pictures), and how much she loves him. Alan is my husband of 7 years. FML

#6683091
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42810) - you deserved it (2259)

On 12/09/2009 at 6:47pm - love - by _RobotInDisguise (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, my dog received a christmas card before I did. FML

#6678775
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24212) - you deserved it (2725)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:33am - animals - by amywee (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I sneezed while brushing my teeth and ended up with toothpaste in my eye. I haven't been able to see for two hours. FML

#6631791
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22480) - you deserved it (2707)

On 12/06/2009 at 9:03am - health - by lol (woman) - United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire)

Today, I woke up and found that someone had taken a dump on my car. They'd apparently felt bad about it, as they'd then keyed "sorry" into the door. FML

#6631628
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37414) - you deserved it (1913)

On 12/06/2009 at 8:24am - misc - by flying_vegan - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We only used text. Halfway through, I noticed that she started being more demanding. As it turns out, my girlfriend had left the room and her older brother had walked in and taken over. FML

#6613965
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7456) - you deserved it (9115)

On 12/05/2009 at 9:19am - intimacy - by Anon - United Kingdom (Leicester)



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