FMLs submitted from Switzerland

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

by failed / 02/23/2011 at 5:06am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Intimacy

Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML

by Limalia / 01/24/2011 at 4:00pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Intimacy

Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 11:44am / Switzerland / Health

Today, as I left my house, the front door slammed shut behind me, causing an entire roof-length of snow to slide over the edge and land directly on my head. FML

by snowball / 12/29/2010 at 6:32pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ate lunch alone. None of my colleagues saved me a seat. One of those colleagues was my husband. He didn't even have the decency to move so that I wouldn't have to eat alone. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 6:12am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Work

Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet an online date. I couldn't spot him, so he eventually came up and introduced himself. It seems his on-line picture must have been taken before I was born. I spluttered "This isn't going to work," and promptly scuttled out. FML

by sayno / 11/12/2010 at 6:06am / Switzerland / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me "don't worry, someday you'll be mature as well." By this, he meant that I will be willing to have sex with him in public. FML

by anouk05 / 10/15/2010 at 1:13am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Intimacy

Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML

by yogapants / 09/24/2010 at 4:21pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Health

Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML

by Rawr / 08/01/2010 at 6:38am / Switzerland (Geneve) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I'm allergic to the pills my doctor prescribed for coughing, which I really need because I ripped a muscle in my stomach. Now my whole upper body is covered in a terrible itchy rash. I also found out it will last for at least another week. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2010 at 4:14pm / Switzerland (Geneve) / Health

Today, the electrician came because our kitchen light has been flickering. After examining the installation, he screws the lightbulb tighter in the socket. My parents both are PhDs. FML

by PhDdaughter / 12/04/2009 at 5:16am / Switzerland (Fribourg) / Kids

Today, my father decided that since he's paying for my flat, he will use it twice a week to have it off with his girlfriend while I'm away. My parents are still together. FML

by franzbiel / 10/31/2009 at 8:54am / Switzerland (Luzern) / Intimacy

Today, it was the elections for Student Council President. I decided to be nice and vote for the only other competitor because it was her birthday. I lost by one vote. FML

by presidont / 10/18/2009 at 8:25am / Switzerland / Miscellaneous