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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Reserved

Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML

#15164938
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27305) - you deserved it (11819)

On 03/01/2011 at 5:21pm - animals - by nothingisreal69 (woman) - Reserved

Today, the day before I was going to move in with my army fiancé, he was told he would be deployed very soon. I can't pay for the apartment without him, and now have to move back in with my parents until he returns from active duty. FML

#15164209
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30491) - you deserved it (6140)

On 03/01/2011 at 4:08pm - love - by Distraught (woman) - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

#15048725
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27623) - you deserved it (2767)

On 02/20/2011 at 3:35am - misc - by Katie - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML

#14463495
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38408) - you deserved it (7566)

On 01/04/2011 at 3:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Reserved

Today, I went to the new gym I recently signed up for and started exercising in the men-filled weights room, despite being intimidated by them and the strange looks they were giving me. Workout over, I left the room and saw in front of me a door marked "Women's weights room". Oh. FML

#13868959
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11199) - you deserved it (23105)

On 11/16/2010 at 8:21pm - misc - by genderbender (woman) - Reserved

Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML

#13836763
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12756) - you deserved it (27615)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML

#13699174
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33108) - you deserved it (4824)

On 11/03/2010 at 8:08am - work - by nurse (woman) - Reserved

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

#13444115
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29199) - you deserved it (3031)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Reserved

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well as our clients. About two hours in I started playing with the lid of the pen I was using, next thing I saw was the lid flicking up and hitting my boss square in the middle of the head. FML

#12986689
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7981) - you deserved it (24353)

On 09/10/2010 at 2:28am - work - by theshad (man) - Reserved

Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML

#12535348
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15551) - you deserved it (35546)

On 08/15/2010 at 5:47am - work - by jacko (man) - Reserved

Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML

#10727772
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32524) - you deserved it (7230)

On 05/24/2010 at 2:13am - love - by gedderdunn - Reserved

Today, I was making out like a sixteen year old at the high school prom with this guy I kinda liked. All of a sudden, he rolls away and tells me he's "finished." We both had our clothes on the entire time. He is 23, I'm 25. I didn't know that was possible. FML

#8769205
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20384) - you deserved it (3461)

On 03/02/2010 at 7:38am - intimacy - by virginmary - Reserved

Today, my boss asked me if I could work on Valentine's Day because there was no chance of me having a date. She's right. FML

#8007090
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31934) - you deserved it (2916)

On 02/08/2010 at 9:07am - love - by klala - Reserved



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