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FMLs submitted from Portugal

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

#21458398
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23807) - you deserved it (3610)

On 08/20/2015 at 8:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

#21450116
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22820) - you deserved it (1992)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:48pm - misc - by smf_ds - Portugal (Porto)

Today, one of my classmates asked the teacher to postpone her presentation because she had to study and the teacher happily agreed. When I approached her, the teacher started yelling at me because postponing deadlines is irresponsible. I just wanted to make sure we didn't need to bring our book. FML

#21315114
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27647) - you deserved it (2098)

On 12/10/2014 at 4:49pm - misc - by WhereforeArtThouJustice (woman) - Portugal

Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML

#21306439
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27968) - you deserved it (2105)

On 11/26/2014 at 9:04pm - work - by caterinette - Portugal

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

#21294889
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30970) - you deserved it (8116)

On 11/08/2014 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous S'wit (man) - Portugal

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said "nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

#21247278
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40505) - you deserved it (3288)

On 08/28/2014 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

#21242605
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49337) - you deserved it (6196)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

#21184387
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63613) - you deserved it (9057)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by possibly fucked (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I decided to tell my family, including my husband, that I'm pregnant. Their reaction was basically a "meh" before returning to watching the World Cup. FML

#21176835
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47977) - you deserved it (9411)

On 06/16/2014 at 2:50pm - misc - by FMeeee (woman) - Portugal (Aveiro)

Today, I sent a message on Facebook to a girl I really like. She replied, "..." It took me three hours to realize she'd actually written it. I thought it was just Facebook telling me she was typing. FML

#21014568
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39715) - you deserved it (8159)

On 01/02/2014 at 6:49pm - misc - by Andrew (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

#20818899
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55981) - you deserved it (8343)

On 08/03/2013 at 4:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

#20574730
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38557) - you deserved it (6761)

On 04/04/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML

#20029971
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19042) - you deserved it (3397)

On 08/19/2012 at 2:09pm - misc - by spasticock (man) - Portugal (Setubal)



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