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FMLs submitted from New Zealand

Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML

#20171802
172 comments

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

#20161557
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20547) - you deserved it (2030)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:00am - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, we found out that the beloved "Uncle Jimmy" from my early childhood was really the man my mother was cheating on my dad with. FML

#20156411
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26453) - you deserved it (1521)

On 11/09/2012 at 3:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Gisborne)

Today, while at a psychiatric hospital working as a student nurse, I discovered one of the patients had developed an unhealthy obsession for me. He was admitted for stalking and abusing a girl who looked just like me. It's only my first week. FML

#20127982
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23220) - you deserved it (1524)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

#20113953
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25163) - you deserved it (1499)

On 10/12/2012 at 7:00pm - misc - by WTF (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I was fiddling around with the thermostat at my new place. For a laugh, I twisted the knob all the way to 40° celsius, when it snapped off. I don't have a clue how to fix it. FML

#20104478
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8120) - you deserved it (39973)

On 10/06/2012 at 4:29pm - misc - by didntknowyoucouldbreakit (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I started a job on a building site. Halfway through, I needed to use the toilet. One of the builders said there were two of them; one was "OK" and the other was "nasty." The first one I walked into had the foulest stench imaginable. Apparently, that was the "OK" one. FML

#20090541
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20332) - you deserved it (1657)

On 09/27/2012 at 1:22am - work - by theotherotherguy (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, at work, I saw a van in our car park with "Hurlz Wagon" painted on its side. Laughing, I told the customer who owned it that I loved the name, and I asked was there a funny vomit story behind it. She didn't laugh, and told me it was her family name. FML

#20089281
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17160) - you deserved it (8522)

On 09/26/2012 at 7:40am - work - by big mouth (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

#20073337
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29843) - you deserved it (6568)

On 09/15/2012 at 6:16pm - love - by hannah (woman) - New Zealand (Marlborough)

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

#20071794
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21880) - you deserved it (2421)

On 09/14/2012 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by picture, during a game of Draw Something. FML

#20042043
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31683) - you deserved it (2204)

On 08/26/2012 at 1:03am - love - by wtf - New Zealand (Southland)

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

#20005444
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22684) - you deserved it (2599)

On 08/06/2012 at 7:20am - misc - by Spockx - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

#19962934
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19678) - you deserved it (28624)

On 07/20/2012 at 6:20am - kids - by great - New Zealand (Waikato)



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