FMLs submitted from New Zealand

Today, I told my husband that I didn't feel like he loved me. He looked away and replied, "Fair enough". FML

by mymumdidntloveme / 06/30/2014 at 11:59pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2014 at 6:44pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, in the fitting rooms at work, a 10-year-old kid threw a coat-hanger directly at my face. The kid's father didn't apologise on his behalf, but instead congratulated him on what he called "a wicked shot". FML

by anonymous / 06/04/2014 at 1:07am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML

by Fat Arsed Lass / 06/01/2014 at 6:28am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Animals

Today, I found out that just because my roommate doesn't buy alcohol, it doesn't mean she isn't stealing mine and slowly replacing it with water. That bottle cost me $150 and was destined to be a present for my best friend, whom I haven't seen in years. FML

by NoMoreMeatForAYear / 05/21/2014 at 5:23pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2014 at 8:14pm / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Love

Today, the family in the apartment next to me decided to give their 4-year-old kid a recorder. It's been three hours. Kill me. FML

by pleasestop / 04/30/2014 at 10:13pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids

Today, I was hanging out with my friends, and we got the idea to do some improv comedy together for a laugh. Barely two minutes into our fake political debate, everyone had apparently forgotten it was all a joke. Raging ensued, and a vicious fight quickly followed. FML

by idiotfucks / 04/30/2014 at 4:56pm / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Health

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

by iusedprotectionanyway / 03/21/2014 at 5:44pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 7:05pm / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend sent her new boyfriend over to my place to break up with me for her. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2013 at 4:53pm / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Love

Today, I lost my phone. I called the number from my friend's phone, hoping I could find it. A guy answered, laughed "Thanks for the phone!" and hung up. FML

by phonegotlostinthepark / 12/03/2013 at 12:54pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

by shut up. / 11/11/2013 at 5:36am / New Zealand / Work