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FMLs submitted from Malaysia

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

#19909832
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19810) - you deserved it (3761)

On 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm - work - by a4rk (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)

Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML

#19611170
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20620) - you deserved it (4092)

On 05/12/2012 at 10:36am - work - by picklet (woman) - Malaysia (Negeri Sembilan)

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

#18501912
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28605) - you deserved it (2841)

On 12/13/2011 at 9:00am - work - by Anonymous - Malaysia

Today, while in heavy traffic on the highway, a motorcyclist managed to t-bone my car. He picked himself up, glanced at the side of my car, and quickly drove off, all in the space of a few seconds. I just got an expensive paint job on this thing. FML

#17778728
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23424) - you deserved it (2753)

On 09/19/2011 at 4:35am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was arrested. The policeman threw me to the ground because I wouldn't answer his questions. This was after he told me I had the "right to remain silent". FML

#17227396
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36347) - you deserved it (7597)

On 07/23/2011 at 6:29am - misc - by tgd4444 (man) - Malaysia (Johor)

Today, I discovered that sea-sickness also applies when making love on my girlfriend's new water bed. FML

#15226088
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39790) - you deserved it (5613)

On 03/07/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by dizzy (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

#13273071
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22435) - you deserved it (19898)

On 10/01/2010 at 3:39am - misc - by rosmaizura (woman) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML

#13194078
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22871) - you deserved it (4156)

On 09/25/2010 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

#12752465
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8245) - you deserved it (62505)

On 08/26/2010 at 6:09am - intimacy - by fmylife (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

#12693453
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8233) - you deserved it (68408)

On 08/23/2010 at 12:18am - kids - by K_M (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, someone switched my hairspray with bug spray when I didn't notice. I used it. FML

#10838070
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23553) - you deserved it (6094)

On 05/29/2010 at 9:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I signed in my msn messenger. Everyone in my friends list apparently changed their status to 'busy' or 'away' when they saw me online, including my crush. FML

#10289820
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28717) - you deserved it (8798)

On 05/02/2010 at 4:37am - misc - by everyonehatesme (woman) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

#9918494
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7904) - you deserved it (63975)

On 04/16/2010 at 8:34am - health - by TowelSmellsNice (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)



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