FMLs submitted from Israel

Today, I asked my wife if she would like a cup of tea. She responded with divorce papers. FML

Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2016 at 1:58am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Love

Today, I'm spending Christmas Eve at the hospital. Why? Because when I blew my nose, a ball of flesh connected to a tendril of skin shot out, and it wouldn't go back up. FML

by yek / 12/24/2015 at 2:01pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Health

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2015 at 10:23pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Intimacy

Today, my boss confided in me that when a gay person visits his house, he discreetly follows them around and cleans anything they touched and everywhere they sat with disinfectant wipes. I've worked for him for 7 years but he doesn't know I'm gay. FML

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2014 at 6:16pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Love

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2014 at 5:05pm / Israel / Intimacy

Today, I went bowling with my girlfriend, her sister and her brother-in-law, and her niece. After 10 rounds, I came in last place. Her niece is 3 years old. She got twice as many points as me. FML

by DF / 06/26/2014 at 10:58am / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Miscellaneous

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2014 at 9:04am / Israel / Love

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2013 at 2:10pm / Israel / Kids

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

by twitterfailsme / 11/04/2013 at 7:08am / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Work

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

by nl4 / 11/01/2013 at 7:55pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Health

Today, I was showing my 6-year-old son how easy and safe it is to ride a bike. I didn't notice a pebble, bust up my leg and my son is now terrified of bicycles. FML

by NoBikesForYou / 09/26/2013 at 6:56pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Kids