FMLs submitted from Ireland

Today, I found out through Instagram that the guy I'm dating has a wife and two kids. FML

by hailsatan666 / 06/09/2012 at 2:43pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2012 at 12:46pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Love

Today, I was on a rowing machine at the gym, listening to a podcast. Something funny was said, I laughed, lost my balance and fell off, with my feet still stuck in the footrests. Someone had to come and help me off. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 10:06am / Ireland (Cork) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

by Danny / 05/28/2012 at 2:02pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

by smart move there / 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm / Ireland (Kildare) / Intimacy

Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML

by gl0b3suck0r / 05/08/2012 at 12:41pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Animals

Today, I decided not to wear any makeup. I got told 13 times at work that I looked ill. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2012 at 3:17pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a conversation about how Victoria Beckham ate fruit salad for her birthday, as if it was an important subject. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2012 at 10:14am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML

by ANNIEDBD / 03/23/2012 at 5:44am / Ireland (Dublin) / Work

Today, I passed a field where some kids were playing football. The ball rolled over in my direction, so they asked me to kick it over. I tried and failed three times, and ended up throwing it over, where it embarrassingly landed about 2 feet away. They had to come over and get it. FML

by Hannah / 03/22/2012 at 1:21pm / Ireland (Wexford) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, my 18-year old son decided to run his hand over our wooden fence to try and get a splinter, as he "forgot what they felt like." Last month, he stabbed himself in the arm with a sewing needle because he "forgot what an injection feels like." I raised this idiot. FML

by badmom / 02/25/2012 at 6:25am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to use antiperspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 10:05am / Ireland / Health