FMLs submitted from Germany

Today, my aunt, whom I live with, told me she is going to move out and demanded her half of the rent back, as she only spent two days a week there. When I told her that's not how rent works, she called my mom to tell her what a failure she had raised. Her own sons are unemployed drug addicts. FML

by Failure / 05/22/2015 at 6:14pm / Germany (Sachsen-Anhalt) / Money

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 4:49pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Love

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

by lily_marleen / 05/17/2015 at 5:27pm / Germany (Bayern) / Work

Today, my boyfriend told me that we wouldn't move in together as we had planned to do for a long time. His mother forbade it. He is 27. FML

by forever alone / 05/09/2015 at 7:03pm / Germany (Thuringen) / Love

Today, my boss finally did something nice for me and bought me a coffee. By mistake I poured salt in it. To not be ungrateful, I drank it all in front of her. FML

Today, I saw one one of my cat's hairs on my sweatpants and wanted to remove it. It wasn't a cat hair, but a pubic hair that has found its way through my panties and sweatpants while being still attached to me. FML

by PeppermintPenny / 04/06/2015 at 9:54am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2015 at 5:02pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Health

Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML

by maybe? / 02/11/2015 at 11:11am / Germany (Hamburg) / Kids

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

by Eyalsh / 01/29/2015 at 11:53pm / Germany (Mecklenburg-Vorpommern) / Work

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

by burningman / 01/22/2015 at 5:40am / Germany (Hessen) / Transportation

Today, my boss sent me a Word document that he wanted me to make into a PowerPoint presentation for him. It was a set of proposals for the board of directors about cost-saving options. The third option was to eliminate my position in the company. FML

by HALIFAAA / 12/28/2014 at 8:56am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Work

Today, after finally finishing a huge internal rebranding project at work, which I've poured blood, sweat and tears into over the last 12 months, I found out we're being acquired by another company and that our new brand will no longer exist. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2014 at 8:43am / Germany (Bayern) / Work

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

by Extravirgin / 12/16/2014 at 7:01am / Germany (Bayern) / Intimacy