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FMLs submitted from Germany

Today, I agreed to stay a week with my wife's parents, who she told me were traditional Japanese. I was prepared for having to wear Japanese clothes while in the house, but I wasn't prepared for communal bathing in the same huge bath with her father, grandfather, uncle and two brothers. FML

#21463801
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16651) - you deserved it (1641)

On 09/02/2015 at 4:13pm - misc - by Alan (man) - Germany

Today, I thought I'd locked my house keys in my locker at work. Not having any replacement nearby, I decided to cut the padlock with the saw of my pocket-knife. It took 20 minutes and four cuts into my hand to destroy the padlock. It took another five seconds to find the missing key in my jacket. FML

#21463029
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9460) - you deserved it (17340)

On 08/31/2015 at 4:01pm - misc - by Lockout (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

#21460448
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22859) - you deserved it (2735)

On 08/25/2015 at 7:55am - love - by Shelling Ford - Germany (Bayern)

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

#21458908
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10013) - you deserved it (29762)

On 08/21/2015 at 3:43pm - misc - by notwhatithought (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to go to the airport with me, to see me off for my three-month stay abroad. He said no because the two-hour drive is "too boring". FML

#21446439
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23117) - you deserved it (2280)

On 07/24/2015 at 7:58am - love - by Anonymous - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

#21441433
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28256) - you deserved it (1747)

On 07/14/2015 at 6:33am - misc - by ow my kidneys (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick our son up from daycare. His excuse? Fighting in a battle in World of Warcraft was far more important and he had to stay absolutely focused. Our son had to wait for two hours. FML

#21424976
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29777) - you deserved it (4836)

On 06/12/2015 at 12:51pm - misc - by poor baby - Germany

Today, I received a package from Amazon. My mum smiled at me when I entered the living room, pointing to my package. She had already opened it and held back her smile. My penis pills for longer endurance just got delivered. FML

#21422808
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28486) - you deserved it (8865)

On 06/08/2015 at 12:00pm - intimacy - by Wrabel (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

#21421662
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27507) - you deserved it (8552)

On 06/06/2015 at 5:11am - misc - by lehonX9 (man) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I had to write my own notice for enforced redundancy because my boss just went on a two week vacation. He told me to just forge his signature and that, if I wouldn't do it, he'd just make something up to dismiss me on codes of conduct. FML

Today, my aunt, whom I live with, told me she is going to move out and demanded her half of the rent back, as she only spent two days a week there. When I told her that's not how rent works, she called my mom to tell her what a failure she had raised. Her own sons are unemployed drug addicts. FML

#21414120
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29069) - you deserved it (1924)

On 05/22/2015 at 6:14pm - money - by Failure (woman) - Germany (Sachsen-Anhalt)

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

#21412638
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26906) - you deserved it (2383)

On 05/19/2015 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

#21411568
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25099) - you deserved it (1802)

On 05/17/2015 at 5:27pm - work - by lily_marleen (woman) - Germany (Bayern)



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