FMLs submitted from France

Today, and as for the rest of my life, I will always have a husband whose breath stinks. FML

by nothisfault / 12/04/2008 at 11:40pm / Love

Today, I was sitting on the bus on my commute to work, when I nodded off on the charming young man next to me. Something cold and wet touched me, and I looked down to see a small pool of my saliva collecting on my chest. The man thought this was hilarious. FML

by Kerlane / 12/04/2008 at 10:45pm / Transportation

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

by DarkPhoenix / 12/04/2008 at 6:16am / Miscellaneous

Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML

by noname / 12/04/2008 at 12:55am / Intimacy

Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML

by Noname / 12/03/2008 at 11:39pm / Kids

Today, I realised that the steamy photos that I took with my ex a few months ago had not been erased from his father's camera. FML

by Yum / 12/03/2008 at 2:26am / Intimacy

Today, in front of a hospital, I noticed that an old lady was having trouble lighting her cigarette because she had Parkison's. So I went to help her to light it up and she then started chatting with me and told me she had lung cancer. FML

by Anto / 12/03/2008 at 1:11am / Health

Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML

Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder. FML

by hell! / 12/02/2008 at 3:27am / Intimacy

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

by lamb-chop / 12/02/2008 at 1:32am / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent a text message to my boyfriend, saying "Come over in an hour, I love you." An hour later, the doorbell rang. It was my ex, looking happy and still as taken with me as before, with a bunch of roses. I'd got the wrong number. My ex and my boyfriend have the same name. FML

by eleonor / 12/01/2008 at 11:57pm / Love

Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learnt that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML

by Maestro / 12/01/2008 at 1:09am / Intimacy

Today, I had an important interview. On the way there, I stopped in front of a car window to look at my reflection, checking I didn't have salad stuck between my teeth. Having pulled several faces, I realised that there were two girls inside the car, cracking up with laughter. FML