FMLs submitted from France

Today, my Art Director once again turned down a demo model (for an advertisement) that I'd been working on for a week. This time he took his belt off and started thrashing the model to pieces. FML

by Fuzy / 12/14/2008 at 10:24pm / Work

Today, I aimed at the little blue thing placed at the bottom of the urinal. I learned the hard way that it splashes off it and makes little blue stains on jumpers. FML

by Guuu / 12/14/2008 at 6:31am / Miscellaneous

Today, at the Eurostar customs, an officer asked me if I had packed my luggage myself. I teasingly answered "No, I was helped by a member of Al Qaeda." which earned me a body and luggage search and a missed train. FML

by Behemoth2 / 12/14/2008 at 12:15am / Transportation

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

by Mateo / 12/13/2008 at 10:58pm / Intimacy

Today, a driver stole the parking space I was about to pull into. I politely asked him to move. He had a go at me, so I kick his car twice, in front of a few witnesses. The car is fine. I ripped two ligaments in my foot and I'll have a cast for a month. FML

by Kikinovak / 12/13/2008 at 7:06am / Transportation

Today, I help myself to a piece of a cake brought by guests at a birthday party. I don't like it much so I discreetly attempt to give it to the girl next to me. I ask her "Do you want some? It's sort of disgusting." She replies: "Thanks, I made it." FML

by Nawel / 12/13/2008 at 1:54am / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML

by noname / 12/13/2008 at 12:48am / Love

Today, when I left the restaurant, the very handsome waiter whom I had been trying to tune all night says to me, in front of everyone "But why did you write your number on the table with hearts next to it? You know, I won't call you!" FML

by Peel / 12/12/2008 at 11:53pm / Love

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

by Slaanesh / 12/12/2008 at 7:08am / Animals

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

by Jumanji / 12/12/2008 at 1:05am / Geek

Today, I cut my nice and tasty home-made sandwich in half to give to a homeless man. He tasted it, pulled an unimpressed face, and then stuck it in his pocket. FML

by groom / 12/11/2008 at 9:30pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my son laughed at me when I tried to get him to put a bit more effort into his schoolwork. His grandmother had kindly given him all my shitty school reports from when I was his age. FML

by fataldisease / 12/11/2008 at 7:21am / Kids

Today, I argued with a boy from school over a girl. I didn't know he was a black belt judoka. I'm still in pain. FML

by Pfff / 12/11/2008 at 5:40am / Miscellaneous