FMLs submitted from France

Today, my fiancé told me, that after 7 years together, he is no longer in love with me. Shocked and appalled, I ask him if he has anything else to add. "Happy Birthday". FML

by Nalya / 12/27/2008 at 5:26am / Love

Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML

Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML

by noname / 12/26/2008 at 11:07pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I send a text message to my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four months ago, telling him to come back. His answer: "feeling-wise I won't come back to you, but sexually, why not". FML

by Laloose / 12/26/2008 at 2:53am / Intimacy

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

by Lola / 12/26/2008 at 1:32am / Love

Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see well with them. She replied, "Oh yes, you have two big spots on your nose!" FML

by jamjamy / 12/25/2008 at 11:53pm / Work

Today, I was reading the end of my book. I turn the page and see, written at the top: "Lauren kills Paul in the end... You shouldn't have pissed me off." It was from my sister, we had a fight yesterday. FML

Today, I sat in the train and the old lady sitting next to me stares at my face. I ask her if she is ok and she starts yelling "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?". The entire train trip went like this. FML

Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML

by Nicos / 12/25/2008 at 1:07am / Intimacy

Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML

by Marou / 12/24/2008 at 8:54pm / Love

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

by sixsix / 12/24/2008 at 6:19am / Intimacy

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

by Colin / 12/24/2008 at 12:56am / Money