FMLs submitted from France

Today, I received the beautiful dress I'd ordered on the internet. It's a size smaller than my usual, just to encourage me to lose weight. I managed to fit into it and wear it all day, but I've now been struggling for a couple of hours to remove it without tearing it to bits. FML

by boudinette / 04/15/2015 at 6:14am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML

by Insanity / 04/09/2015 at 1:28am / France (Centre) / Kids

Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2015 at 10:35am / France (Bretagne) / Work

Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML

by Anonyme / 03/27/2015 at 5:50am / France (Bretagne) / Love

Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML

by mafille / 03/18/2015 at 11:22pm / France / Kids

Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML

by dorianseiji / 03/11/2015 at 4:37pm / France (Picardie) / Kids

Today, I asked my professor for his opinion on the subject I plan to study in my thesis. Turns out, he likes it so much that he's going to steal it from me. FML

by nothesisforme / 03/11/2015 at 10:01am / France / Work

Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML

by ManchotDesAndes / 02/26/2015 at 2:35am / Kids

Today, I tried to overcome my shyness by warmly greeting the bus driver while entering it. I instead blurted out really loudly the words of the song my iPod was playing. FML

by OzzyWannabee / 02/20/2015 at 3:12am / Miscellaneous

Today, I pulled a muscle in my right shoulder and can barely move my arm. My friends keep asking if I'm sure it wasn't from jerking off too much. Truth is, I pulled it by playing on my computer too much. FML

by Pleonasm / 02/18/2015 at 10:14am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm an intern working in a company's reception area, which happens to have a coffee dispenser. As I'm the new girl, every client getting coffee wants to buy me one. I'm too polite to say no. It's 10:26 AM, and I'm on cup #17. FML

by chloe_zjk / 02/18/2015 at 12:22am / France / Work

Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML

by lilipalmer / 02/13/2015 at 1:44am / France / Love

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser "A little off the sides." they hear "A bowl cut, please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2015 at 3:40pm / France (Bretagne) / Miscellaneous