FMLs submitted from France

Today, my girlfriend woke up, and half-asleep, muttered: "What time is it? Did the neighbours start drilling again?" I'll try harder to keep my farts in from now on. FML

by Juju Bear / 03/08/2016 at 6:54am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a heart attack. In the hospital the doctor compared my heart to that of a stressed out 60 year-old's. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2016 at 11:39am / Health

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

by DarkChild / 02/11/2016 at 5:18pm / France / Kids

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML

by UUUGHHH / 02/05/2016 at 3:33pm / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

by Coccinelle / 02/05/2016 at 11:36am / France / Work

Today, while on the tram with my friend, we ended up discussing religion. When we started talking about God, some guy asked us, in a serious tone, to "stop talking about me" because it was really starting to bother him. FML

by DieuEstUnHomme / 02/03/2016 at 10:44am / France (Champagne-Ardenne) / Transportation

Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML

by Kimel / 01/21/2016 at 7:11pm / France (Franche-Comte) / Love

Today, as a natural science teacher, I was drawing a uterus on the class chalkboard. One of my students started messing around and being noisy, so I shouted, "Be quiet and check out my uterus!" FML

by sciencenat / 01/14/2016 at 1:36am / Work

Today, and as always, I recycle my trash at work: paper in the yellow trashcan, the rest in the black one. This morning, I saw a cleaning lady empty the contents of the black trashcan into the yellow one, put the whole lot into a big plastic bag and then leave as if this was normal. FML

by rainperson / 01/07/2016 at 5:18am / Work

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

by donguigeek / 12/23/2015 at 11:32pm / France / Kids

Today, Murphy's law didn't check out: my piece of toast didn't fall on the side containing the spread of jam. However, when I leaned against the corner of the table to pick it up, I knocked a full ashtray on top of it. FML

by Anonyme / 12/17/2015 at 1:24am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to my boss at the end of an awesome internship. He said he was really satisfied with my work, and that he had considered hiring me. Turns out he decided not to because I smile too much and it unnerves him. FML

by Greenskies / 12/09/2015 at 10:26am / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my roommate thought of a new idea for our household. According to him, we should take dumps at work as often as we can, that way, "we'll save on toilet paper at home." FML

by MrRadin / 12/04/2015 at 12:31am / France / Money