FMLs submitted from Denmark

Today, while enjoying the nice weather in a park, I opened my eyes to the sight of some guy jacking off, half-hidden behind a tree. FML

by ssjfml / 08/11/2015 at 10:56am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

Today, I turned on an old radio I haven't used for a long time and a pack of very small spiders came rushing out of the speakers when I turned up the volume. Guess they didn't like the groove. FML

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

by probably single / 05/29/2015 at 2:28pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Love

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

by Headless / 05/29/2015 at 9:04am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Love

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2015 at 1:08pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Intimacy

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Sure, but not yet." As we've been together for five years, I was a bit confused, but she cleared that up with, "Not until your dad has died, I don't want him to ruin my wedding with a bad toast." FML

by inheritance / 05/05/2015 at 10:44am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Love

Today, my supervisor forced me to bring the image of a failed simulation to the group meeting, because he thought it looked funny. So did the others and it's now going on our webpage. I have to provide a scientific description of how I made a mistake in my code. FML

by OptMouse / 04/14/2015 at 7:50am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Work

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

by Julie / 03/25/2015 at 1:42am / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Love

Today, I sharted during my wedding vows. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2015 at 9:16am / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2015 at 12:57pm / Denmark / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2015 at 4:46am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Transportation

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

by midwify / 01/05/2015 at 12:58pm / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Kids

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2015 at 11:58am / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Money