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FMLs submitted from China

Today, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about having kids. We were outside a hotel in front of those rotating glass doors. One of my friends ran at me as a joke, screaming like a caveman. I freaked out in a high pitched squeal, and tried to run inside the hotel. I ran in the wrong way. FML

#6992051
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7007) - you deserved it (23020)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:08pm - misc - by Spac3Ghost (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

#5893479
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60812) - you deserved it (3856)

On 10/19/2009 at 7:50am - misc - by cc10 (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped, and sprayed a bunch of silly string at me. Unfortunately, he hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. As I stumbled around blind, I accidentally knocked a bunch of 3 year olds off their bikes, causing them to cry. FML

#5812873
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30622) - you deserved it (2924)

On 10/13/2009 at 6:09am - misc - by sillystring (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

#4031400
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71462) - you deserved it (8665)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by misopower (woman) - China (Henan)

Today, I began my job volunteering at an orphanage in Beijing, China, working with 7-year-olds who just started learning english. We played a game where, if you got caught, you had to sing a song. I got caught, so I chose the ABCs. They all knew the song perfectly, I missed 3 letters. FML

#3549560
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8796) - you deserved it (71725)

On 07/07/2009 at 8:20am - misc - by BigBallah93 - China (Beijing)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML

#3502310
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11929) - you deserved it (50892)

On 07/05/2009 at 11:23am - animals - by BigBallah93 - China (Beijing)

Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML

#2853235
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48930) - you deserved it (6053)

On 06/13/2009 at 7:01am - love - by Mojo_Jojo (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later came into the T-Mobile that I work at to return the Sidekick that I bought for her. I had to transfer her account to a new Iphone. She got the Iphone from her new boyfriend, who works across the street from me. FML

#2073712
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64283) - you deserved it (4520)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:09am - love - by SKuser (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I got my medical checkup back. Apparently, I'm diagnosed with a liver condition generally found in alcoholics. I've never drank in my life. FML

#2043570
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57506) - you deserved it (3262)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:48am - health - by esk (man) - China (Shanghai)

Today, I was walking to find a public toilet in a Chinese village. While looking for the women's restroom, I stepped on a thin sheet of plastic. I fell into the toilet's waste collection area and found myself knee-deep in the villagers' faeces. FML

#1897379
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67101) - you deserved it (5348)

On 05/13/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by pooped (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

#1223520
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10653) - you deserved it (67162)

On 04/22/2009 at 2:24pm - misc - by derranged - China (Tianjin)

Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said "me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML

#831466
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65822) - you deserved it (9360)

On 04/06/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by annonymous (woman) - China (Beijing)



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