FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, my mother refused to buy a cat because my sister is allergic to them. She bought a rabbit instead. I'm allergic to rabbits. FML

by anonymous / 11/24/2015 at 8:01pm / Canada / Animals

Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML

by FitnessFirst / 11/24/2015 at 7:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I drove 3 hours to surprise my girlfriend, who I hadn't seen in 3 weeks. When she opened the door, she gasped, told me to fuck off and slammed the door in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2015 at 10:17pm / Canada / Love

Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2015 at 9:50am / Canada / Health

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

by I Know How to Pick'em / 11/16/2015 at 7:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML

by doggylove / 11/12/2015 at 10:57pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love

Today, I finally got a good seat on a plane. I don't know what the man next to me had eaten, but I was trapped for two hours next to him as he let out silent, deadly egg farts the entire trip. There was nowhere to escape. FML

Today, I went to McDonald's. I was unaware of the Monopoly contest that they were holding. I was also unaware that you have to get 3 stickers of the same colour to claim your prize, and that it's not that easy to win a Jeep Cherokee. Taking down my Facebook post was awkward. FML

by youknowyoureoptimisticwhen / 11/08/2015 at 11:45am / Canada (Quebec) / Money

Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2015 at 1:15am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2015 at 8:02am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 9 year old shitblossom of a sister decided to wake me up by hocking a loogie into my mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2015 at 12:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

by Nuts / 11/06/2015 at 9:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I asked my school counselor in strict confidence for advice on how to help a friend of mine, who has bulimia. When I got home, I found out that "someone" had called my parents and told them that I'm bulimic. They won't believe the truth. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2015 at 4:23pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health