FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I got a new cell phone. I was texting pictures from my old phone to my new one, including several dirty ones, when I noticed I wasn't receiving any of them on the new phone. I was texting the wrong number. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2009 at 7:49pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, after spending $15,000 to treat my dog's cancer over the past two months, he died of kidney failure. FML

by w-dog / 08/24/2009 at 1:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML

by CatLady / 08/24/2009 at 9:38am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals

Today, I made a very pretty sunflower cake that I woke up incredibly early to make. It took me hours and a lot of money. It was for my grandparents anniversary and my whole family was invited. We only got to see the remains because the waiter gave it to the wrong family, and they ate it. FML

by sunflowercake / 08/23/2009 at 7:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML

by Anonymous / 08/22/2009 at 3:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a report telling me how I had handled a mystery shopper at work. In this report I found out that instead of saying "Thank you" I had said "Have a nice day, take care." This kept me from getting my $150 bonus. FML

by elipses / 08/22/2009 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML

by FilthyIke / 08/21/2009 at 4:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my boyfriend threw me a going-away party. During the party, I caught him in my bedroom hooking up with my friend because "you're leaving soon anyway so it doesn't matter." I'll only be gone for 6 weeks. FML

by lonelyinlondon / 08/20/2009 at 10:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I had to give the girl I am absolutely in love with advice on how to have better sex with her boyfriend. FML

by shitforchris / 08/20/2009 at 1:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss. She said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

by SweetFA / 08/19/2009 at 8:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2009 at 6:31pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a date with a guy, we were sitting in a restaurant having a fairly good conversation, when I had to go to the washroom. I left the table and when I came back, he was gone. Along with my wallet and car keys. FML

by LifeFucksUsAll / 08/19/2009 at 3:44pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my boyfriend was leaving for work. From the other room I heard him call out, "see you soon beautiful." Touched, I went to give him a parting kiss. He stopped me and said, "I was talking to the cat." FML

by burned_away / 08/19/2009 at 2:10pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous