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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

#2045197
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40788) - you deserved it (5294)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:22am - kids - by BeatenUpPup (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

#2042132
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37653) - you deserved it (21806)

On 05/18/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I see my dad on a bike so I shout after him. He turns his head around and then runs into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML

#2028672
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19538) - you deserved it (33122)

On 05/17/2009 at 8:35pm - misc - by Richocet - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

#1986687
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17517) - you deserved it (43534)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Ricky (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML

#1975711
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15365) - you deserved it (49009)

On 05/16/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by penguinsfan (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school. I was later told it had to be censored because it was inappropriate, even though I was just trying to make a point. My speech was on political correctness. My speech on political correctness was censored for political reasons. FML

#1973868
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44676) - you deserved it (4574)

On 05/16/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

#1973147
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52700) - you deserved it (6016)

On 05/16/2009 at 7:26am - kids - by badmom101 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a man came up to me and asked me out. This was the first time I'd be asked out in months. I accepted. When I reached my friends they looked at me then asked, "Why were you talking to that homeless guy?". FML

#1970945
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31279) - you deserved it (16473)

On 05/15/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

#1956453
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47574) - you deserved it (9330)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:14am - love - by heartless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I scored two prime baseball tickets from a supplier at work. I phoned my dad to tell him the good news. He said that's great, my brother and him would love to see the game. I said, no, I'm taking you to the game. He told me I was being selfish and hung up the phone. FML

#1926739
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62215) - you deserved it (2603)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by Hank (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

#1926595
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24044) - you deserved it (51307)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:11am - work - by MC (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

#1905564
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39609) - you deserved it (18517)

On 05/13/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

#1902044
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50785) - you deserved it (3337)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Yukon Territory)



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