FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2010 at 5:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 10:09am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I logged onto Facebook with a new notification. I got excited, until I went on to see that it was my mom commenting on my status. She had seen my friends swear in previous comments and decided to make a comment of her own. She told them, "Hey, watch out yr language!" I'm nineteen. FML

by iamshrimpy / 01/08/2010 at 1:24am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML

by Animal_aide / 01/07/2010 at 1:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, I got a haircut, and after thanking the stylist I went up front to pay. The lady behind the counter took one look at me, smiled and said "well, now you'll need a hat." FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2010 at 9:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2010 at 7:29pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked to the end of my driveway to pick up the newspaper. I read the front page that was talking about people who have been getting hurt from slipping on ice. Laughing about that thought and walking up my driveway, I slip. FML

by fml / 01/03/2010 at 10:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML

by always-the-responsible-one / 01/03/2010 at 3:42am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, I changed my 2009 new year's resolution to lose my virginity to my 2010 new year's resolution. FML

by stillavirgin / 01/03/2010 at 2:41am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the drugstore to get supplies for my broken toe. Because of the swelling, I could only wear open-toed sandals on this cold day. At the store, a tall, heavy man in winter boots tried to get by me, and ended up stepping on the toes of my good foot. FML

by ouchie / 01/02/2010 at 12:26am / Canada (Quebec) / Health

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

by ninjapup / 01/01/2010 at 11:40pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, it was my birthday dinner with my family. Everyone was making an effort to avoid a certain topic. Later my 5 year old cousin gives me a nice hand drawn card of me and my boyfriend. Apparently no one had the heart to tell her my boyfriend had broken up with me on my birthday. FML

by Singleton / 01/01/2010 at 7:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was driving home from an airport. On the way home, I got a flat tire. Once I was outside the car I realized that I had accidentally locked the car with the keys inside. I was in the middle of nowhere 20 miles from anywhere and couldn't call for help since my phone was in the car. FML