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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, my boyfriend was reading me a love poem he wrote for me. It was beautiful, and going really well until he read the last line, which had a girl's name in it. It wasn't my name. My boyfriend said "shit, wrong girl", and dug through his bag for a different poem. FML

#4277493
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59510) - you deserved it (4292)

On 08/04/2009 at 7:27am - love - by jemma (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out I have an option on my phone to postpone the sending of my text messages. I thought it would be cute to send my boyfriend texts saying, " I love you and sweet dreams" every night at midnight for a month. He broke up with me and I can't figure out how to stop the texts. FML

#4276088
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36358) - you deserved it (23362)

On 08/04/2009 at 4:26am - misc - by Optimist - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I broke my mother's Tiffany lamp from the 1920's. Practically crying, I raced onto the computer to try to find one to order before she comes back in three weeks. The lamp is worth over twelve thousand dollars, and the only way I'm getting one is if I lived 90 years ago. FML

#4255235
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45562) - you deserved it (23883)

On 08/03/2009 at 1:24pm - money - by someexplanationrequired (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML

#4254409
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69003) - you deserved it (5068)

On 08/03/2009 at 12:33pm - intimacy - by myparentsarehoes (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

#4234116
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8819) - you deserved it (46760)

On 08/02/2009 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, after a great night of sexual pleasure, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML

#4228072
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43822) - you deserved it (31547)

On 08/02/2009 at 11:12am - intimacy - by kmb04 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I came home tired and hungry from work. I put my feet up and sat down with a big bowl of chips and salsa. I thought I must have been really hungry because my regular no-name salsa tasted way better than usual. I looked down to examine the jar. Looks like I like the taste of mold. FML

#4218471
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32445) - you deserved it (12676)

On 08/01/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by special-ingredient (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realized how invisible/forgettable I am. At work, I went to ask my supervisor what I was working on today. My supervisor admitted that he forgot I was working today. My supervisor is my brother. We drove to work together this morning. FML

#4212428
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44998) - you deserved it (2986)

On 08/01/2009 at 7:10pm - work - by Forgotton (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart to heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

#4156133
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12257) - you deserved it (48482)

On 07/30/2009 at 8:02am - intimacy - by BrokenVow (woman) - Canada (British Columbia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I got into a car accident. The car I hit belongs to my girlfriend's father. We never met before. He believes strongly in "first impressions." FML

#4153520
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40239) - you deserved it (6178)

On 07/30/2009 at 3:20am - love - by LevKin (man) - Canada (Quebec) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, was my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing. My dad is a horrible singer, and I tried my hardest not to laugh, I turned red faced and tears were falling from my eyes. My step mother held my hand and said that she was in a better place. I couldn't hold it any longer. I laughed my ass off. FML

#4144889
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19781) - you deserved it (48170)

On 07/29/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by shewholaughsatthedead (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was short shifted at work because one of my employee's decided not to show up. Furious, I wrote her up and made predetermined judgments about her. When she came in, I went off on her for being absent and leaving me stuck. She then informed me her mom tried to commit suicide. FML

#4142083
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10242) - you deserved it (55151)

On 07/29/2009 at 7:49pm - misc - by Toast514 - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I just found out my dad got remarried a year ago. The woman is officially living with us, I got to have lunch with her alone today. I found out she is only 22, with a 14 year old little brother. My dad's 47. I'm 17, now with a 14 year old uncle and a mom that can pass for my girlfriend. FML

#4126370
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53064) - you deserved it (2653)

On 07/29/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by Beefballs (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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