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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

#1429892
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17373) - you deserved it (51119)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:49pm - love - by ugh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

#1427815
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38731) - you deserved it (7355)

On 04/28/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

#1415688
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (191739) - you deserved it (9111)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:27am - intimacy - by liveforpeace_ (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

#1394629
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34172) - you deserved it (13395)

On 04/27/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by fmylifechelsea (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over the weekend. It was really cute and I always borrow his shirts so I asked to borrow his new one. He replied with, "Okay but please don't stretch this one." FML

#1387702
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44562) - you deserved it (15899)

On 04/27/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

#1377457
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46321) - you deserved it (7681)

On 04/26/2009 at 11:39pm - misc - by BbyDelight (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

#1339602
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42212) - you deserved it (15182)

On 04/25/2009 at 11:10pm - animals - by poopedon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was shopping in an upscale store. As I was changing, I heard one of the snobby saleswomen say to mine "You shouldn't bother. She isn't going to buy anything." Determined to "show her", I purchased everything I'd tried on. It came to around $500. My credit card was declined. FML

#1315447
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11251) - you deserved it (57687)

On 04/25/2009 at 8:49am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

#1292881
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17559) - you deserved it (70094)

On 04/24/2009 at 4:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

#1274514
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41145) - you deserved it (2573)

On 04/23/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by pleasebackintomycaragain (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful World - and I thought I sounded my best yet. After my performance, I went outside to get some air. Then, I got assaulted in the parking lot and ended up going to the hospital. What a wonderful world indeed. FML

#1245192
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48293) - you deserved it (4552)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by karaokestar (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, as I was ringing in a customer I noticed that the Febreeze spray can was wet. Noticing this I sniffed my hands because they had gotten wet and said to the customer, "Oh the can is leaking want to go get another one?" He then said, "No it's OK, I just sweat a lot." I sniffed some customer's sweat. FML

#1243329
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43808) - you deserved it (4966)

On 04/22/2009 at 10:44pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me, the reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML

#1226975
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50287) - you deserved it (9167)

On 04/22/2009 at 4:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)



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