FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

by dumbbass / 02/24/2010 at 2:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years left me for a guy whose favorite color is camouflage. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2010 at 10:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I had a seizure at work. My boss walked by and saw me, but didn't help or do anything because he thought I was "picking something up off the floor." FML

by argh / 02/24/2010 at 1:29am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them." FML

by meaganlea / 02/23/2010 at 12:17am / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend stole a pair of my underwear, and still wears them to this day. FML

by anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 1:11pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went skiing. Trying to show off to some inexperienced skiers, I flew past them at my top speed, a bracket snapped off my boot and I slid on my face for about 30 metres. FML

by hoser / 02/21/2010 at 5:01am / Canada (Alberta) / Holidays

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

by horny21 / 02/21/2010 at 3:19am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I learned the hard way that my foundation shows up under a black light. At a black light party. No one told me until afterwards. Everyone took pictures. FML

by makeuuuuup / 02/20/2010 at 8:52pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

by Brett meek / 02/19/2010 at 2:41am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

by goldie09 / 02/18/2010 at 12:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, while serving a rather large party at the restaurant where I work, I mentioned that the soup of the day was "to die for". After the hosts gave me weird looks, it dawned on me that the reason they were wearing all black is because they've just come back from a funeral. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2010 at 11:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I went to my hair dresser to get my haircut. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her "the usual". She confused me with another customer and gave me a mullet. FML

by Craig / 02/17/2010 at 1:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was washing a stainless steel pot at my kitchen job. Every time I pulled it out of the dishwasher and examined it for dirt, I saw something orange inside it. After 3 run-throughs, I realized it was just my shirt's reflection. FML

by 3Airwalk3 / 02/16/2010 at 12:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Work