FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

by goldie09 / 02/18/2010 at 12:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, while serving a rather large party at the restaurant where I work, I mentioned that the soup of the day was "to die for". After the hosts gave me weird looks, it dawned on me that the reason they were wearing all black is because they've just come back from a funeral. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2010 at 11:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I went to my hair dresser to get my haircut. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her "the usual". She confused me with another customer and gave me a mullet. FML

by Craig / 02/17/2010 at 1:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was washing a stainless steel pot at my kitchen job. Every time I pulled it out of the dishwasher and examined it for dirt, I saw something orange inside it. After 3 run-throughs, I realized it was just my shirt's reflection. FML

by 3Airwalk3 / 02/16/2010 at 12:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I was missing $20 from my wallet, so I decided to ask my sister if she had taken it. Her response? "That reminds me, I need to borrow another 50." She has a job. That was my Christmas money. FML

by Ambar / 02/15/2010 at 12:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I got flowers sent to my work, I happily opened them in front of my co-workers thinking they were from my crush, I open the card to see "Love you, from mom". My mother thinks my love life is so pathetic, thats she needs to send me flowers to cheer me up. FML

by britney / 02/14/2010 at 9:54pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML

by dzisfml / 02/14/2010 at 3:42am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

by whathef???? / 02/13/2010 at 1:51am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to sleep over at his house. Then he found out that it was that time of the month for me, so he told me that he had to work this weekend and said "see you sometime next week." He doesn't have a job. FML

by JustMyLuck / 02/12/2010 at 9:14am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 2:51am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was robbed at work. The guy stole my cell phone, bag, and laptop. Because of the robbery, I had to close the store two and a half hours early. My boss decided to dock my hours. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 2:44am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

by syl / 02/11/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I was hit on by an older man. I rolled my eyes at him and informed him I was 16, hoping that would get him to leave me alone. He shrugged and said, "We're both human." FML

by creepster / 02/10/2010 at 8:39pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous