FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, while at work, I was asked to see my boss. I was informed that the company would be laying off 20 people, and that I was one of them. I was told I could finish off the week, then was sent back to work. Twenty minutes later, my boss walked around and handed us all Christmas party invitations. FML

by robthebuilder / 10/26/2010 at 2:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I check my facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption: "This is what Taco Bell does." FML

by tanya / 10/25/2010 at 8:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML

by stickyface / 10/24/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

Today, l was crouched on the ground in the doorway at a haunted mansion. It's part of my job here to scare the people passing by. A 12 year old girl walked by, I grabbed her leg, and she kicked me in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2010 at 5:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my boss walked up and smacked my butt. I am a 19 year old guy. My boss is a 50 year old woman. I desperately need this job. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2010 at 12:56pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, for my boyfriend's 19th birthday, I decided to dress up as a sexy cat girl for him, complete with ears, tail, matching sexy underwear, collar and leash. He wouldn't stop laughing. FML

by failed_catgirl / 10/19/2010 at 7:24pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy

Today, I had just finished re-completing all my assignments because I had lost my USB last week. I reached into my pocket for gum, instead I found the USB that I had apparently lost. I spent my weekend alone rather than spending time with my friends. I don't have another weekend off for a month. FML

by haayloo / 10/18/2010 at 10:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 12:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

by meegs / 10/16/2010 at 8:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

by anonymous / 10/16/2010 at 11:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to class with my bag packed for a weekend trip when it began to vibrate violently. Stopping mid-lecture, the professor approached me and asked politely if I could turn off my cell phone as I was disturbing the other 150 pupils in the class. It was my personal vibrator. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 7:01pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy

Today, my parents told me I was adopted. I can understand parents waiting for a child to be old enough to understand, but I'm 33 years old. FML

by anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 4:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally admitted to two girls in my first year university astronomy class that I have a strict 10pm bedtime. FML

by pathetic_girl / 10/14/2010 at 10:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous