FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, my doctor told me I needed to eat more salt to keep my blood pressure from dropping dangerously low. He only shrugged when I pointed out that he had previously told me to eat a low-salt diet to control my vertigo. FML

Today, I was sucking on a candy and I began choking. A coworker rushed over to give me the Heimlich maneuver. That freed the candy from my throat, and also the shit from my bowels. FML

Today, after working at the same place for 3 years, I found out that they are not only cutting my hours but now I have to take orders from some girl I trained because she was promoted over me. FML

by hatemyjob / 12/14/2015 at 7:15pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Work

Today, I found $20 under my car seat, so I put it in the cup holder, only for it to fly out of the window while going down the highway. FML

by ehcanadianeh / 12/13/2015 at 3:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

by Ihadnoidea / 12/12/2015 at 2:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I fell asleep while using my laptop. The next thing I know, it's 8am and my dad is screaming at me for posting "u skank-ass cunt-face" on my mom's Facebook timeline. I never made that post, but he won't believe me. My asshole brother, meanwhile, can't stop smirking at me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2015 at 8:27am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to get minor surgery done. I have anxiety and a phobia of needles, so they gave me laughing gas. It gave me a panic attack. FML

by demideity / 12/08/2015 at 1:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

by killmenow / 12/03/2015 at 12:33am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love

Today, I realized how much of an invisible artist I am when I got a little excited when someone stole my art. FML

by I_Am_The_Cold / 12/02/2015 at 4:00am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML

by ugh / 11/30/2015 at 10:52pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, my 5-year-old son put my car keys in the microwave thinking that they would 'warm up' my car. FML

by jimmy / 11/30/2015 at 4:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

by Wtfbruhimmovingout / 11/27/2015 at 9:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous