FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 2:45am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 12:20am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, my 19 year old brother called me a moron and told me to go read a book, after I corrected him when he said girls don't have colons. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2015 at 11:54pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids

Today, my wedding celebration came to an awkward pause when my dad slapped my mom across the face and called her a whore after she admitted to having an affair. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2015 at 2:39am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML

by iskalion / 10/10/2015 at 1:39am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2015 at 12:50am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, desperate to meet a guy, I went clubbing. The only guy to show any interest opened with: "You're hot, for a black chick!" FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2015 at 12:43am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I saw my cat attacking a suitcase under my bed for apparently no reason. I laughed and picked it up to show him that there was nothing there, only to find a huge wasp hiding under it. FML.

by MozillaHostile / 10/09/2015 at 2:54pm / Canada / Animals

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

by not impressed / 10/09/2015 at 2:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I finally got a job so I could stop missing out on going out with my friends every weekend. Turns out I work only Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, and there's no way around it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2015 at 11:46pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Work

Today, my wannabe psychologist of a brother accused me of lying about all the violence and emotional abuse my ex inflicted on me, all because I went into "too much detail" when describing it, which he says is something only liars do. Thanks for the support. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2015 at 7:45am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, after taking my little niece out onto the balcony of her family's new apartment to enjoy the view, we watched as a man jay-walked across the street down below and was run over by a car. My niece is pretty much traumatized for life now. FML

by scarredforlife / 10/02/2015 at 9:13pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML

by Anon / 09/28/2015 at 11:18pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous