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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, on my daughter's 9th birthday, I have to let her know that her dog died in his sleep overnight. Happy birthday. FML

Today, my date came to pick me up for a date. As I was getting into his car, a large blister on my foot burst. My foot is now swimming in a pool of hot, liquid pus. FML

Today, my coworker called me a liar when I said I've been to New York. This is the same psycho who honestly expects me to believe that she and Brad Pitt have a "thing" and that he secretly communicates with her through interviews on TV. FML

#21459151
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23376) - you deserved it (1545)

On 08/22/2015 at 1:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML

#21459109
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18390) - you deserved it (7071)

On 08/21/2015 at 11:55pm - misc - by FishFlingingMonkey (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I told my daughter that we're going to the beach. Today, my daughter also tried to dig up our deceased dog that we buried in our back yard last week so it can come along. FML

#21458250
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21859) - you deserved it (1533)

On 08/19/2015 at 10:38pm - kids - by GlueAndCarrots - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out the girl I met online, who I spent hours talking to every day for the past 2 months, and who I fell in love with is actually my gay roomate. He says if I could fall in love with "her", I can fall in love with him. It doesn't work that way, dickhead. FML

#21457909
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24903) - you deserved it (3798)

On 08/19/2015 at 2:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my girlfriend of five years broke up with me, saying I've changed and she can't be with someone who's so emotional all the time. Well I'm so sorry that after two weeks, I'm not quite over my brother's death yet. FML

#21457397
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36297) - you deserved it (1555)

On 08/18/2015 at 12:09am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML

#21457265
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26503) - you deserved it (1769)

On 08/17/2015 at 6:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, to prove that my girlfriend is a "total skank", my best friend seduced her and showed me the video he secretly filmed of it. FML

#21457226
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25891) - you deserved it (2436)

On 08/17/2015 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by YES I MEAN *EX* GIRLFRIEND (man) - Canada

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

#21456278
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28806) - you deserved it (3551)

On 08/15/2015 at 5:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got in trouble for punching my sister. Apparently, it still counts if it's in Minecraft and she looked like she was going to steal my stuff. FML

#21456039
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21916) - you deserved it (2442)

On 08/14/2015 at 3:31pm - misc - by RobotUnicorn1209 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I approached a hot female security guard and attempted to compliment her new tattoos. Instead of saying, "Nice tats", I ended up saying, "Nice tits". My HR meeting is tomorrow morning. FML

#21455888
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21952) - you deserved it (8706)

On 08/14/2015 at 5:35am - work - by babbling idiot - Canada

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

#21455591
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22073) - you deserved it (3149)

On 08/13/2015 at 1:12pm - love - by so_this_is_me (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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