FMLs submitted from Belgium

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

by Galaxy / 03/29/2014 at 1:03pm / Belgium (Limburg) / Animals

Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML

by Champignon / 11/01/2013 at 10:17am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Intimacy

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

by Elcam / 10/16/2013 at 4:22am / Belgium / Work

Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML

by Grand Slam / 09/10/2013 at 2:44pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2013 at 12:28pm / Belgium (West-Vlaanderen) / Intimacy

Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML

by sorry, kiddo / 06/30/2013 at 5:44pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Kids

Today, I was feeding some ducks. One of them choked to death on the old bread. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2013 at 12:41pm / Belgium / Animals

Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML

by cantwin / 05/31/2013 at 9:54am / Belgium (West-Vlaanderen) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML

by o___O" / 05/10/2013 at 4:11pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was feeling down following a recent breakup. My dad tried to comfort me by patting me on the back and saying everyone goes through ups and downs, "Like when I found out your mum and I were having a boy." I'm their only son. FML

by Appelflap / 03/29/2013 at 6:18pm / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Miscellaneous

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

by mhmm... cumsquats / 02/09/2013 at 6:26pm / Belgium (Brabant) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to college on bike through snow and hail only to find out my professor can't make it to class due to the weather. She lives down my street. FML

by refticon / 02/06/2013 at 3:45am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2013 at 6:03pm / Belgium / Love