FMLs submitted from Belgium

Today, my long-term girlfriend broke up with me because my hair "falls out" and I "will definitely be bald soon", even though it's not that bad. The same girl who I supported through her chemotherapy and gave her promises that I would stay with her no matter how she looked. FML

by lovedoesnotexist / 09/24/2015 at 7:52am / Belgium / Love

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

by DevastatedWoman / 08/11/2015 at 11:30am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

by Gonzales / 08/07/2015 at 3:47pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Intimacy

Today, my intern was given his own office. I have been asking to move out of my cubicle for nearly four years. FML

by bosslady / 06/30/2015 at 5:57am / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Work

Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML

by Claudine / 06/30/2015 at 2:18am / Belgium (Liege) / Work

Today, after being a resident DJ at a local club for over 4 years, I got fired. Not because I'm bad at what I do, but because my boss thinks I'm not 'having fun like the other DJs'. And by 'having fun' he means that I don't drink enough. I got fired for not being an alcoholic. FML

by SFBEL / 05/20/2015 at 11:56pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Work

Today, I managed to throw my back out by blowing my nose. FML

by Hlaalette / 05/13/2015 at 9:57am / Belgium / Health

Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2015 at 11:42am / Belgium / Health

Today, my husband used the vacuum cleaner. Proud of him for this first-ever initiative, I congratulated him. His second initiative was to stick the nozzle on my ass, yelling, "Liposuction!" FML

by chassezlenaturel / 03/24/2015 at 8:58am / Belgium / Love

Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2015 at 8:12am / Belgium / Miscellaneous

Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

by Titatoum / 01/17/2015 at 4:12pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

by StabStab / 01/11/2015 at 8:03am / Belgium / Kids

Today, my girlfriend's dad called to say she wasn't allowed to come with me on a three-day trip on New Year's. He waited until Christmas to say it, even though we booked and paid for the trip nearly a month ago. Now he ruined both holidays. FML

by sneeuwbal / 12/25/2014 at 1:36pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Love