FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I found out why you don't let your kids grab your arms while their hands are covered in glitter glue. Easy to get it on you, extremely painful to rip from your arm hairs. FML

by hairyarms / 10/10/2010 at 8:47am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I missed my history exam because they'd changed the day. Apparently they sent out an email to let everyone know. Too bad I'd banned myself from the internet in order to study for the exam. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 7:22am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my posting orders for the Air Force. After spending four years training and studying to become an aerospace engineer, I am getting sent to the only base without aircraft. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2010 at 10:59am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year old son answered the door and when he saw me said, 'oh great, it's YOU' and slammed the door in my face. FML

by notyouagain / 10/03/2010 at 3:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I was at the beach with my parents. They were walking hand in hand, when they spotted a crab. My Dad turned to my Mum and said "Oh, must've crawled out of my pubes!" they both laughed and kissed. I don't think they realized I was within hearing distance. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2010 at 9:12am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I married the woman I love. I wasn't the groom, I was the minister. FML

by Pr unlucky / 10/02/2010 at 4:07am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, I got a text from my ex: "I miss you." I was happy to hear this, so I replied "Really?" I got in return "Not really, I'm just really horny and thinking of you." FML

by rawr101 / 10/02/2010 at 2:25am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, after a promotion at work, my new manager made me reset my password for a website we use. To do so, I had to answer the secret question I’d set two years prior. The question was "What is your favorite activity?" The answer I had to type out in front of my manager was "Drinking." FML

by T. / 09/30/2010 at 10:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I saw a crash on the highway. The police weren't yet there, so I pulled over to help because I know CPR. No one needed CPR, but I had locked myself out of my car. My roadside assist won't come to highways, so I had to get towed away in front of everyone. FML

by blonde / 09/29/2010 at 3:08am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I went to the beach with this boy I like. Not thinking it'd be anything more than a simple date, I didn't shave my downstairs. We were sitting on a towel and I laid down. Then he said, "Is there a squirrel in your pants?" FML

by Claire / 09/29/2010 at 1:59am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2010 at 9:17am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I was trying to relieve a dog that looked like it was choking because it was tied to a pole while its owner was in a restaurant. The owner called a security guard because she was convinced I was trying to steal her dog. FML

by Hilary / 09/22/2010 at 9:25pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I was conducting interviews and I could tell this particular candidate was really nervous, so I was extra nice. At the end, he was reluctant to shake my hand. On the way out I realised why: I had lost the top button on my low cut top, and he was nursing his appreciation of the view. FML

by pizzacat / 09/22/2010 at 4:49am / Australia (Queensland) / Work