FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

by monogamous / 10/28/2010 at 5:26am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

by unsatisfying / 10/28/2010 at 1:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend elbowed me in the eye while we were sleeping. His excuse: "You shouldn't have stayed over." FML

by me / 10/27/2010 at 8:36am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I was on MSN when the conversation died. So I lied and told them I had to go get ready for a party, and that everyone was expecting me there. I spent the rest of the night playing The Sims. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2010 at 3:21am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2010 at 8:36pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML

by drunkfacebookuser / 10/23/2010 at 9:15am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend said he wants a Hello Kitty wedding. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 5:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2010 at 5:04am / Australia / Transportation

Today, I was shaving my left armpit when I cut myself badly. I wondered whether or not it would be safe to shave my right armpit, then reasoned that it couldn’t possibly happen twice. It did. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2010 at 6:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed with a pedestal fan on facing us when my boyfriend sneezed. Where did he sneeze? Into the fan, which then sprayed it all over my face. FML

by gross / 10/20/2010 at 12:14pm / Australia / Love

Today, I was casually looking through my girlfriend's phone while she got ready, though she made me promise not to. To my confusion, I discovered that she had me listed as 'Saturday' in her contacts. There was also a Thursday, Friday and Sunday listed. I only ever see her on Saturdays. FML

by iprobablyhaveherpes / 10/20/2010 at 12:47am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, I temporarily got off the bus for the other students to get off, because they push and shove along their way. Then the bus driver closed the door on me and drove off. My laptop was on that bus. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 6:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I found out that the friend I stayed up with for nights on end, talking out of depression and suicide, has 'politely' posted up on facebook that he secretly hates me. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 5:07am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous